“It’s the Final Countdown!” – The Knights of Royal England at Hever Castle Saturday August 29th 2009.

The last Tournament at Hever was to be nothing less than an all or nothing affair for the Blues. Two losses adrift, Sir Jasper made a highly chivalrous and somewhat uncharacteristic suggestion; that for the benefit of both teams supporters, that the Blues be offered a double-or-nothing chance to take the series! If they won the day they could claim the title, but if they lost then all their equipment lands, even their horses would be forfeit to Sir Jasper. As the day approached there was much debate in the Blue camp. Sir Eugene, although nursing an ankle injury was all for taking the challenge with Sir Sam urging caution not surprisingly given his performance of late! Sir William thought the discussion would be much better held at the local tavern and the king’s stewards demanded an answer by the end of the Thursday before the event.

Then an extraordinary thing happened ... Sir David of Kent arrived back in camp! After an extended tour of far off lands which he described as 'Jolly pleasant, thank you' (at least, that is the gist of what he said!) He trooped up with an extended entourage of squires, dancing girls and assorted bondsmen claiming that he was now ready to 'properly bash that old git Sir Jasper!' This made up everyone’s mind and it was decided to 'Do or die' and take the challenge.

Saturday dawned strangely warm and sunny for a holiday weekend and every challenge was delivered with gusto in front of a near capacity crowd who were in excellent voice, cheering their teams to the skies. A rather over excited Sam decided it would be a good idea to start by challenging his own Knight Marshal and launched an enthusiastic but ultimately pointless attack on Sir William. It was then the turn of the riders and Sir David clashed viciously with Sir Jasper but his extended absence let him down and he was knocked clean out of the saddle by a beautifully timed strike. After the challenge of the severed heads went Reds way, it was looking bleak for the Blues. In an attempt to disrupt proceedings and further upset his opponents, Sir Jasper brought a complaint of sheep rustling to the attention of the King. Sir Eugene suggested that the culprit, a strange serf called 'Bob' who had an overly slim physique and high fluting voice (?!) be hanged 'pour encourager les autres' (to encourage the others!) It was pointed out that Healthe and Safetee at ye Tourney (volume 2, paragraph 3) forbade public hangings in the lists, so the hapless lad was just dragged around behind a sack. Blues rallied with Sir Eugene knocking out Sir Stephen in the saddle, then Sir William battering him with an assortment of weapons before finishing him off with a set of pulverising body slams. Sir Sam finally won a pyrrhic victory by humiliating Sir William in a quarterstaff fight, then came the challenge of the rings.

The blues had to win this to have any chance in the points. It was a nervy affair with a violent outburst from Sir Stephen as he was eliminated. It all came down to two final rings thrown for Sir Sam and Sir Jasper ... the red knight missed! There was some discussion as to the force with which the ring was thrown up into the air and accusations of cheating and shenanigans began to fill the air. It looked as though a full blown riot might ensue when to add fuel to the fire, in the final scores Sir Jasper was revealed to have an impossible score of thousands.

The king had to act ... and fast! He declared all scores null and void and offered the champions the opportunity of a King of the Arena contest, all against all and glory to the last one standing. Battle raged all over the arena with even squires getting involved (Young Duncan DeMungoe won’t forget that lesson in a hurry!)
It ended with an exhausted Sir Eugene facing up to a battered Sir Jasper. They clashed with a final titanic effort from both combatants, but Sir Jasper lost his sword and got unceremoniously hurled into the quintain and down.

The Blues had done it! They won in truly the nick of time and their supporters went bezerk! There was frenzied booing from the red end but already thoughts turn to next year. Will Sir Stephen’s leach therapy calm him down? Will Sam continue at Knight School and get better? Will Sir Jasper take that Anger Management course? These and other questions will have to wait a while for when the battling champions of the Knights of Royal England once more return to the noble field of Hever.

The crowds this season have been simply fantastic and all knights send their thanks to everyone who came along.

See you next year!

The scores after the weekend are as follows:
Challenge of the Severed Heads: Reds 6 – Blues 5
Challenge of the Rings: Reds 5 – Blues 6
Tournament Wins: Blues win overall with 'Do or Die' finale!